happy birthday to me

remember when you were little and anyone older than you seemed so old? first highschoolers seemed way older and cooler than you could ever possibly be. then it was the same with college kids. and now here i am, 22 years old, and i feel this strange juxtaposition of old and not old enough.

i certainly don't feel old enough to be a college graduate, preparing for grad school, thinking about all the bills i have to pay at the end of the month and where i'm going to get the money and what i want to do with my life and where i want to live in a couple of years (why am i still in the midwest again?...) and who i want to be living near and with...

and how strange is this? last year was my 21st. you know, the birthday to end all birthdays, go out and get trashed and sleep through the next day. except i skipped that part. i spent the day with my grandma and my dad bought me a glass of wine for dinner. i didn't even go out with my friends the next day or anything. we just didn't go out. but tonight when i got home from a day at the lake in wisconsin hanging out with my sister, nephews and parents, my friends called me up and we met at tgifriday's for drinks and the cubs game. it was also karoke night so the whole bar sang to me (crawl under a table! or maybe just have another drink...) andra bought me a drink and we had a good time just hangin out. not to mention that last night kari took me out for ben and jerry's, and then courtney, becca and marybeth came over for drinks and tyedye and to wish me a happy birthday at midnight. i think for the first time in a very long i feel really truly and honestly like i fit here.

to top it all off, my parents got me the most thoughtful gift i think they've ever gotten me. two tickets to hear maya angelou speak as she is presented a major award in september. complete with wine and cheese reception afterwards. and of course my favorite roomie will be coming with me! i can't wait. me and my karen s at a wine and cheese reception in chicago talking to maya frickin angelou. dang...

wine and cheese or milk and cookies, doesn't matter. i may be 22, but i refuse to believe i have to be totally grown up.