in a rut.

do you ever feel like you do the same things day after day... and none of it is worth anything?

i'm feeling discouraged about my life this week. i think my summer was so great, full of good times with close friends and then travels in europe and great writers... that now life is a huge let down. work and class isn't enough. something is still missing and it leaves me feeling down alot. or at least not particularly happy.

for one thing, i've started to worry a bit about life after my masters degree. i'm suddenly very anxious to fit all my classes in and be done with it. i think i'm feeling tied down. but what am i going to do when i'm done? i'd like to finally have a job in the literary world, finally be doing something i love. but that's so overwhelming, where do i even start? i want to be a professor, but i have no real teaching experience in an academic setting. and i never even took freshman comp, so how am i supposed to teach it? i guess i need to keep reminding myself that other roosevelt graduates who have similiar experience to my own are now teaching at community colleges, so i must be in an ok place. i'm just starting to worry that i'm going to have a hard time finding a job and even worse, that when i do i might suck at it.

i think what's missing in my life is community. i'm so used to being overinvolved in a million things... dance, lit mags, multiple groups of friends, close knit classes... and now all of that is missing. a whole year later and i'm really feeling the effects of leaving hope college. roosevelt is great and all, but i'm not getting the community because it's not a traditional campus. what matters most in life are the people, the relationships. i have about 2 friends here and that's all. great friends, don't get me wrong. but that sense of community and involvement is leaving a big boring space in my life. and i don't know how to fix it.