from an ad for The Sun Magazine

Strawberries are too delicate to be picked by machine. The perfectly ripe ones even bruise at too heavy a human touch. It hit her then that every strawberry she had ever eaten--every piece of fruit--had been picked by calloused human hands. Every piece of toast with jelly represented someone's knees, someone's aching back and hips, someone with a bandanna on her wrist to wipe away the sweat. Why had no one told her about this before?

Alison Luterman, "What They Came For"

why not?

Four jobs I’ve had in my life

pool cashier/concessions manager
CoolBeans barista
tap and jazz dance instructor
Real Estate office assistant
(and that's all folks)

Four movies I can watch over and over

Empire Records
Finding Neverland
Wizard of Oz
Office Space

Four places I have lived

Libertyville, IL
Holland, MI
Vienna, Austria
Prague, Czech Republic
(the sad thing is... those are the ONLY places i've lived.
and two of them were study abroad)

Four TV shows I love to watch

Grey's Anatomy
Sex and the City
Friends
The Cosby Show

Four places I have been on vacation

Caribbean (St Thomas, Puerto Rico, Bahamas)
Boundary Waters in Atitokan, Canada (Quetico)
NYC
Austrian Alps

Four websites I visit daily

Hotmail
Roosevelt webmail
various blogs
Facebook

Four of my favourite foods

mashed potatoes
chicken (really... anything chicken)
ice cream (especially Vermont's finest)
Chicago style pizza

Four places I would rather be right now

Prague
Vienna
Camp O
Quetico

The world isn't just the way it is.
It is how we understand it, no?
And in understanding something,
we bring something to it, no?

Doesn't that make life a story?

-Yann Martel, Life of Pi-

my master's thesis

i start classes again tomorrow--two courses plus my thesis. i'm taking poetry, which will be wonderful to be back in a workshop after a semester hiatus. and nonfiction, which should be a challenge, but good. i can't decide if it will be harder or easier than fiction. i'm leaning towards harder. we'll see.

i've been emailing with my thesis advisor and am turning in my first few poems tomorrow. i'm going to meet with him every other week before class. i pulled out all my thesis forms and requirements tonight to make sure i'm going into this with a plan. i think i'm insane for trying to do this in one full semester and the summer. i'm cutting myself a few months short. eek, starting to freak me out.

my final copy is due in the provost's office august 1st. before that, i have to hand in an unbound copy to the head of the english department who will give it to the graduate dean. she has to approve it, which means it may have to be revised before i hand in the final copy. plus there are VERY specific requirements for the formatting, cover page, approval form, index, binding, etc.

my goal is to have the 75 poems written and revised by july 1st. that gives me a month to order (though some thought will go into the order earlier, i'm sure) format and receive approval. this means i need to turn in a minimum of 5 poems a week, plus revisions. some of these pieces may need to be turned in several times. 5 a week may not sound like alot... but it is. i have a decent stockpile of things to include, but i'd like to write a ton more. i'd really love for half or more of this thesis to be new material. but that's incredibly intimidating. i know i'm too hard on myself, and i know i think too much. if i'd just stop trying so damn hard and just write everyday i'd see my work improve almost effortlessly. then i could pour my energy into revision instead of first drafts.

the real trick is, on top of this thesis i'm taking two classes between now and april, an intensive lit class in june (you know, right when i should be finishing this all up) and working 4 days a week. it's going to be a long 6 months... but the reward! that beautiful roosevelt frame containing my MFA degree... it's going to be worth every poetic word.

sometimes there's just nothing to say...

so yesterday i drove with the window open. i went to the bar last night in short sleeves, jeans rolled up to capris, and heels without socks.

this morning it was raining when i woke up. now it's snowing.

seriously, chicago? just make up your mind.

driving with my sunglasses on and the windows down is just about my favorite thing ever. no joke. favorite. ever. it just SMELLED like spring today. i love it. if gas weren't so expensive, i woulda just driven around the block til the sun went down.

pardon my rant

the news was playing at the fitness center while i was working out today. and though i had my ipod playing, the captions were turned on the tv so i could still read what was going on. something about a law regulating how close protesters are allowed to be to a military funeral.

now i'm all for peaceful protest, and people being free to voice their opinions and stand up for what they believe is right (or wrong, as the case may be). and i may not agree with this war. or any war for that matter... i really just don't understand how war in any case is actually helping anything, but unfortunately it may be too late for the world in that regard. but these protesters were standing outside a military funeral holding signs with phrases like "God hates you" and "this is God's retribution for America"

first of all, it's God's place to judge, not ours. whatever happened to the separation of church and state? now my opinion may be that america's actions are not in line with what God wants... but that doesn't make it my place to stand outside with poster board on a stick and tell people God hates them! isn't that missing the point? i was under the impression God loved all people, regardless of their sins. i'll gladly stand outside with signs proclaiming that this war is killing innocent people and that is unnecessary and inhumane. but who thinks they have the right to stand outside a funeral and say "this military man or woman deserved to die because we as americans are killing others"?? again. these people are missing the point.

i was so frustrated and upset watching this brief news segment. why do we need a law stating how close protesters can be from a military funeral? it's a funeral! have some respect! i don't care what your opinion is about the war or our country or politics. someone has died. and of unnatural causes, no less. it's a tragedy. and their family and friends are mourning. some of them probably agreed with the war. some probably didn't. it doesn't matter. for just a little while, opinions don't matter. it's a funeral.

moments like this make me lose a little more faith in the world. whatever happened to humanity? doesn't anyone care about people anymore?

the fitness center.

ok. so maybe i can only lift between 30 and 50 pounds with my upper body.

but

i can do at least 70 with my quads and hips, at least 90 with my abs, and 110 with my calfs.

(i always knew i had hot legs.)

Life of Pi, by Yann Martel

One might even argue that if an animal could choose with intelligence, it would opt for living in a zoo, since the major difference between a zoo and the wild is the absence of parasites and enemies and the abundance of food in the first, and their respective abundance and scarcity in the second. Think about it yourself. Would you rather be put up at the Ritz with free room service and unlimited access to a doctor or be homeless without a soul to care for you?...

But I don't insist. I don't mean to defend zoos. Close them all down if you want (and let us hope that what wildlife remains can survive in what is left of the natural world). I know zoos are no longer in people's good graces. Religion faces the same problem. Certain illusions about freedom plague them both.

so this is the new year.

welcome to 2006! i know i say i don't make new years resolutions anymore, cause i never keep them. maybe it's just labeling it a new years resolution that jinxs it. so let's just call these my new goals...

#1 eat more healthy. not a diet, i'm not that disciplined. just attempting to eat a little more healthily than i usually do. #2 exercise. i'm getting a fitness membership somewhere (as soon as i find the cheapest option). i always tell myself i'm gonna do exercise videos or something in my apt, but let's be honest... i don't. if i get a membership somewhere and am spending the money and plan it into my schedule a few days a week, i'll go. i need to. the combination of not dancing and drinking beer is killing me and half my pants don't fit. #3 budget. i made a spreadsheet today of all my monthly bills, plus estimated things like gas and groceries, as well as annual/semi-annual costs like oil changes, doctor's appt co-pays, etc. i looked through my last year of checks and credit card bills to try and estimate correctly. i should be able to pay my bills, set aside enough money per month to cover these annual costs, spend a decent amount per month on entertainment, and STILL have half my monthly paycheck left. this begs the question... why do i still have a couple hundred dollars in unpaid credit card bills? i mean, i know going to prague set me back a bit, but come on! so i'm going to try to stick to this entertainment budget, start depositing part of my paychecks into savings to cover these annual costs, and then hopefully i'll be in a more stable financial position and better spending habits by the time i finish grad school next fall. #4 frequent writing. i've officially begun my thesis. i have until september 1st to pull together 70 poems (both existing and new), revise, order, etc. basically create a book. i want this to be good. i mean GOOD. and when it's done, i'm going to spend my year "off" (by off i mean working but not doing anything academic) sending this manuscript and/or selections from it to various literary magazines/publishers/first book contests in an attempt to get something published. #5 spend time with my family. cause who the hell knows where i'll be come fall, and my parents are planning to move to florida in a couple years. i feel extremely fortunate to be so close to all my siblings now, especially while my nieces and nephews are young. and i love them dearly. and i want to see them as much as i can while i'm still here.

yeah ok. i'd say that's enough. think i can actually pull this all off? haha. right.